Renegades [fiction]

a story by Skylar

It took almost a dozen shots before I heard the tell-tale breaking sound I was listening for. Accuracy isn't the strongest point of an airsoft rifle, but it would get me in less trouble than having a real rifle would if we got caught. Still behind the tree at the edge of the access road, I stood up and packed my weapon carefully in my backpack beside the other equipment. The wheezy pop of another rifle sounded several times from down the road, followed by a moment of silence, then a lilting whistle that told me the second camera had been dealt with. I stepped out of the trees, paused to adjust the straps on my shoulders, and jogged down the road. When I reached the corner of the fence, Aiden was already waiting.

I pointed through the chainlink to the next corner, and we walked quietly along the fence toward the back of the compound. It was beyond the reach of our flashlights, but I knew there was a section around the back where the fence had leaned over nearly to the ground, from the weight of snow or possibly other mischief-seekers. We rounded the corner and started along the back edge, walking more slowly now as the wild vines grabbed at our ankles. A few yards in, the fence fell gradually away from my outstretched hand.

I stepped up onto the ramp created by the leaning wire and searched for my balance. The posts rattled and the fence bounced me gently up and down, threatening to throw me down the hill but not quite managing. A sudden dip toward the ground forced me to scramble for new footing as he stepped up beside me. Under the extra weight, the fence let out a tired scraping sound and gave up the battle. We stepped down onto the broken asphalt.

From there, we scaled the side of a dilapidated carport onto a sagging roof skinned with ancient astro-turf. Picking our way carefully along so we wouldn't fall through, we reached the back and stepped down. The flashlight beams showed unkempt weeds reaching out from between chunks of grey concrete, toward a rounded lip of tiles. Some of the tiles had already leaped to their destiny in the bottom of the empty pool. I walked around to the shallow end and stood for a moment, surveying the territory. The bowl was full of weeds and dead branches, and the drain at the deep end sucked the shadows down toward the end of the world.

"Ready?" I asked softly, hoping he'd go first.

"Go ahead," came the reply, and I could hear the grin behind it. "This was your idea."

I swallowed hard. It was indeed my idea, and now I was wondering why. Pools scared me, with or without water in them. I reminded myself it was the best place for the purpose. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I sat on the edge, put my feet over the rim, and pushed off, skidding awkwardly to the bottom. There was a loud crack as I landed on one of the branches. I found my feet, grabbed the detritus, and started throwing it into the deep end. It would give us more room to move, and maybe if I covered the drain with enough stuff I would forget about it.

There was a scraping sound as he slid down behind me, and the contents of his backpack clanked as it bounced off the floor. I suppressed a laugh at the thought of what we were about to do, and felt a little better.

Another minute had the shallow end clear enough to work in, and a light sweat on my forehead. We unpacked our things and set our bags on the ramp leading toward the deep end to get them out of the way. I tried not to look at how high the edge was, focusing instead on making sure my bandana was tied securely. Finding a way out was a problem for later.

We each pulled out a bottle and doused our props, then shook them off toward the deep end. The sky was clear and moonless, the air still - it was a perfect night.

"Light up?"

"Light on."

The schick of the lighter echoed once in the concrete bowl. A tiny flame hung for a moment, and then three wicks flared to life. I reached out and suspended mine over the top until they caught. The fire doubled as I pulled them back, and suddenly we were submersed in light. The edges of the pool turned orange and our shadows leaped up the walls. They danced and split into eight, then twelve as we separated our torches. After a few practice throws, we turned to face each other, grinning as our eyes met.

Two torches in the left hand, one in the right. We hadn't brought any music for this burn; it was too risky. The sound of crackling fire filled the bowl as we paused to catch a rhythm. A nod, hands up, hands down, and we were flying. Our shadows spasmed, growing past the rim into the sky and then shrinking down to hide under our feet and back again as the flames whirled.

"Hup." Two passes, two catches. "Hup." Again.

The warm night grew hot as the bubble of stagnant air was laced with fire. "Hup." The slapping of the torches in our palms and the tearing sound of fire at high speed were all the music we needed. "Hup." Pass forward, pass left. "Hup." Forward, left. Light leaped frantically as the world stood still. We kept our eyes locked, feeling the arcs rather than looking at them. The smell of oily smoke wound through the air, and the flickering blue light could have been water back in the pool's heydey.

Wait, blue?

My head snapped up as I registered the change. My concentration shattered, I missed a catch. The stray torch bounced off the wall behind me and rolled down the ramp. Aiden managed to hang onto his three as I dropped my remaining two and scrambled for the edge of the bowl to see what was going on. I missed my grab for the lip and slid down the wall on my knees, but I didn't need to see it to know there was a cop cruiser parked outside the fence. By the time I picked myself up again, Aiden had five of the torches out. The sixth one had rolled toward the drain, lighting the dead brush as it went.

"Shit!"

He managed to retrieve the errant prop, but putting out the fire was a lost cause. The wood had been dead and drying for a long time and was excited to provide fuel for the blaze.

He jammed the torches and fire blanket in his bag while I stuffed the bottles in mine, and we zipped closed and shouldered up. A shout came from the edge of the compound where we'd crossed the fence, but I couldn't understand it over the crackling of the bonfire we'd started. Sweat dripped down my cheeks as I stared up at the rim. Why the hell had I thought this was a good idea?

Aiden's grip on my shoulder pulled my attention. "Come here," he said, taking a knee as close to the wall as the bowl's curvature would allow. "Step up."

I put my foot on his thigh, got my hands over the lip of the pool, and awkwardly scrambled up as he supported my foot. I slung a knee over the edge and felt his hand on my ass, pushing me the rest of the way over. I rolled, came up short against my backpack, and jumped to my feet. Glancing sideways, I could see the cruiser's lightbar flashing a blinding pattern through the fence. I didn't see the officer. I crouched down and reached back into the pool.

Aiden grabbed my arms and walked up the wall as I leaned back and straightened my legs, pulling him up. The bonfire in the deep end was roaring now, billowing smoke into the night sky. The temperature in the pool had risen dramatically. My jeans were sticking to my legs and restricting my movement, and Aiden's shirt was dark with sweat.

"This is private property!" came a yell from near the cruiser. I looked over to see two uniformed officers, one standing by the fence doing the yelling, the other walking away around the compound. The cruiser was parked by the edge where we had entered, so we'd have to walk within ten feet of the cops to reach the downed spot in the fence, and once we got over it, the only way to leave was a twenty-foot drop into the woods.

"Is there another way out?" Aiden asked. I nodded and turned in the other direction, jogging away from the pool. I wanted to run, but my flashlight had had the idea first and disappeared without me. Reaching the knee wall at the edge of the pool deck, I paused. The bonfire and the cop lights had blinded me, and the other side of the wall was pitch black. I knew there was a drop into a small alley, and a pipe to step on partway down, but I couldn't see a thing.

A flickering light appeared over my shoulder as Aiden thumbed his lighter to life. It wasn't great, but it was better than nothing. The rusty pipe sticking out of the stone foundation flickered into view, and I swung my legs over the knee wall, lowered myself on my palms, and kicked out. My foot landed solidly on the pipe, but as I let go of the wall, there was a crunch. The pipe gave way and my heart stopped for a sickening second as I fell to the ground. One of my feet met dirt and the other met a rock. My ankle twisted as the rest of me continued down, and I yelped in pain.

"You okay?" I heard Aiden's voice from overhead, and looked up to see his silhouette leaning over the wall.

"Fine," I replied. "I don't know you can get down here, though."

He disappeared, and I pulled myself upright, using the wall for support. Stumbling toward the fence, I glimpsed movement on the other side, and realized it was one of the officers. I crouched down and waited by the corner where the wall turned toward the woods, hoping Aiden had seen the cop too.

A few moments passed while I studiously ignored the throbbing in my ankle. I could hear the fire even over the wall, and I hoped the pool was as far from the building as I remembered. Suddenly there was a rustling in the vines to my left. I started, wondering if I was about to face down a hungry animal, and then the plants parted and Aiden popped up. "There are stairs," he whispered, grinning, and I shook my head ruefully. "Thought you said you knew this place?"

"Well. Not every inch," I said.

He grabbed my chin and put his nose to mine. "I'll give you every inch." I bit my lip so I wouldn't giggle out loud.

"Did - did you see the cop?" I asked, forcing my train of thought back onto the rails. He nodded.

"She went back that way," he replied, indicating the front of the compound.

"Good. Um. Give me the fire blanket."

He reached into his bag and handed me the square of sooty fabric. I folded it in half, hobbled to the fence, and threw it over the barbed wire at the top.

Aiden came over and whispered in my ear. "That's not going to be enough."

"It’ll be plenty," I said, and walked away from the fence, along the side of the building, the way the cop had gone. The windows in the building were boarded up, but halfway to the front, one of the boards had been broken, leaving enough room for a large dog to get through. "I can't climb the fence anyway."

I stuck my head through the window, but there was nothing to see without light, so I pulled back.

"Here." Aiden had found his flashlight somewhere. As I was putting it through the window for another look, I heard footsteps. If the cops saw us go in the house, we were done. I grabbed the light between my teeth and hauled myself head-first through the window. The beam flashed over a carpeted floor littered with broken glass, and I wiggled through and landed on my shoulder. I rolled sideways as Aiden somersaulted through behind me.

We lay on the floor and listened as the footsteps came closer, then passed by the window on the other side of the fence and continued down the hill. They paused, and then a voice said something I couldn't quite make out. A moment later, another set of footsteps sped by the window, toward where I had left the fire blanket. A few words floated through the window. "Back...fence...fire." "Search...woods..." "...on the road..."

"I was planning on trespassing tonight," I whispered into the dark. "Not being hauled up for arson."

"I'll haul up your arse," came the response, and I snorted. I rolled onto my stomach and scooted carefully across the floor, feeling over the shattered glass until I found where Aiden had landed. I snuggled up close and stuck my nose in his ear.

"Oops?" I whispered.

"Oops?" he said. "Is that all you have to say - oops?"

"Well, I -"

"You have been a right pain in the ass tonight," he said, sitting up. The flashlight rolled across the floor and shone on a mirror leaning against the wall, lighting half his face. His hair had been yanked out of its ponytail and was hanging down around his shoulders in dark chaos. "You've made a lot of trouble, and you know what happens to troublemakers, don't you?" He glared at me, and I caught my breath.

"They, ah, they get punished," I said, sitting up and scooting backward just a little. "But it was an accident -"

"Where do you think you're going?" he demanded, reaching forward and grabbing my arm in an iron grip.

Any answer I might've had was drowned by the sudden whoop of a siren close by. I could feel the engine as much as I could hear it drawing closer. Red lights flashed off the trees outside and made jagged shapes on the walls. Fragments of voices floated around, and a metallic rending noise that was probably the fence being forcibly removed from its mooring.

"Do you understand?" Aiden asked, snapping my focus back from a mental image of firefighters swarming the back of the compound.

"What?" I had missed whatever I was supposed to understand.

A sudden stinging erupted in my cheek as he slapped me. It was light, but threatened more. “Listen to me when I’m talking to you,” he said. “Now, you put your face on the floor and present your ass to me. Do you understand?”

“Mm hmm.” I started to turn around, but he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.

“Excuse me?” he said. I stared at him. “What did you say to me?”

“I said yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes. Sir. Come on, I was doing what you wanted –”

“Shut your mouth,” he said, releasing my shoulder and pointing to the floor. “When I ask you a question, how do you answer?”

“Yes, sir,” I mumbled, turning around again on all fours. He reached over and removed the necklace from around my neck. I wondered but didn’t question.

“That’s right. You answer ‘yes sir’ or you don’t talk. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl. Now present your ass.”

Already on all fours facing the back of the room, I answered, “It’s right there.” He sighed, and I hurriedly added, “Sir.”

“Face. On the floor. Now.”

I leaned over and put my face down, and the smell of must and mildew overcame my senses. “Ew,” I said, before I could stop myself, and started to get up. Suddenly his hand was around the back of my neck and my cheek was being ground into the carpet. “Sorry,” I choked out.

“The line is ‘yes, sir,’” he growled in my ear. “Put your hands behind your back.” I lifted my arms and crossed my wrists over my lower back, and he looped the necklace around them. It wasn’t strong enough to hold me, but I wouldn’t struggle; I didn’t want to break it.

“Yssr,” I answered, unable to make it any clearer with my face mashed into the rug. He shifted behind me, and suddenly his hand came down on my ass so hard I squeaked.

“Do you enjoy disrespecting me?” he demanded.

“No sir,” I answered, “I mean, yes sir. I mean –” I couldn’t figure out the right answer, so I shut my mouth.

His hand came down again, on the other cheek this time, and I winced.

“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused?” he asked, moving his hand from my neck to my hair and grabbing a handful.

“Yes sir.” Smack. “Ow!”

“Yes, I know it hurts. And you deserve it, don’t you?”

“Yes sir.” Smack. I whimpered but managed not to say anything. My eyes watered. Voices came in the window, and I tried to listen but didn’t catch anything useful.

Smack. I choked down a yelp so the people outside wouldn’t hear me. I wondered if they could hear his hand hitting my ass. Smack. The voices faded away, and I guessed the fire would drown out the noise.

Smack. Tears spilled over the bridge of my nose and onto the floor. I forced myself to breathe as I waited for the next one, but it didn’t come. Instead he started rubbing me, massaging my ass with one hand, still gripping my hair with the other. I melted as the heat from his palm wiped the pain away, and felt myself getting wet. His hand wandered to my thighs and then to my pussy, and I leaned into it, silently begging for more. He lingered for a moment, rubbing my lips, and then the touch disappeared.

Smack. I squealed that time, catching myself quickly and cutting it off with a strangled choke. Smack.

There was a lot of noise out back of the building now, people clomping around in heavy boots, yelling to each other and dragging things around. Smack. Red and blue lights danced over the walls when I opened my eyes. Smack. I moved a little across the floor with every hit, and a shard of glass started digging into my cheek. I tried to move my head, but only succeeded in digging it deeper. Smack.

He stopped again, and I stayed where I was, waiting, holding my breath. Something bumped against the outside wall of an adjacent room. Aiden released his grip on my hair, and I heard the zipper on his backpack and then the shifting of things inside of it, and I wondered what else he had felt necessary for a night of illegal mischief.

Thud. That was different. A more powerful hit that rocked me to the bone but didn’t sting so much. Thud. My face dug into the floor, and the glass into my cheek. Thud. This was easy compared to the spanking, and it was wonderful. Thud. I listened dreamily to the chaos outside through the rhythm of Aiden hitting me, the sharp sound of his breathing riding steadily over the other noises. Thud.

I lost track of time, floating on the bass rhythm being applied to my ass and thighs. Eventually I realized he had stopped, and I opened my eyes. The colored lights still flickered on the walls. I felt the dried remains of tears on my face, the sharp pain in my cheek, and then Aiden’s hands on my ass. He rubbed my thighs and my cheeks, then my lips, and I moaned involuntarily. He put his knees on the floor between mine and pressed his hips against me, and I could feel his hard cock through his jeans, throbbing against my pussy.

His hands slid up my hips, along my ribs to my shoulders, then down my back. Up my hips again, then grabbing the waistband of my jeans at my lower back with one hand and between my legs with the other.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you,” he growled, pulling my hips back against him until I thought my jeans would rip right off.

“I want – I want, you to fuck me,” I gasped, removing the words from the carpet as best I could.

“That’s such a bad idea,” he whispered, and I could hear him smiling through the words. “We might get caught.”

“Mm hmm – yes sir,” I agreed.

“If you really want me to fuck you,” he said, “Beg for it.”

I paused. It wasn’t in my usual bag of tricks to beg for things. I never had before, and didn’t particularly want to start now. He ran a hand slowly over my pussy, and I burned.

The silence hung for a second, and then he took his hands off me.

“Please,” I found myself saying. I bit my lip but couldn’t stop the words. “Please fuck me, Aiden. I want your cock. Please.”

“Good girl,” he whispered, and slid a hand between my thighs to unbutton my jeans. He pulled my pants down to my knees, and the sudden rush of air told me my underwear were soaked. A moment later, those came down too, and the air touched my bare skin. My heart beat faster as I heard the buckle on Aiden’s belt being undone, and then hitting the floor. The head of his cock brushed my clit, and I shuddered, and then he slid into me.

I gasped and tried to moan quietly as he filled me. He pushed into me gently at first, then harder, and it was all I could do not to cry out. His breathing came faster, and he grabbed my wrists, pulling me onto him over and over as my mind fogged up and my breathing became ragged.

Suddenly he pulled away, and I realized there had been a noise from the area of the building nearest the pool, louder than the ones made by the firefighters outside.

“Check upstairs,” a voice said from the next room. “Make sure nothing landed on the roof.”

In my panic, I broke out of my necklace handcuffs and scrambled out of my jeans. I grabbed the flashlight and my pants, Aiden grabbed the backpacks, and we slipped through the nearest door. The next room turned out to be nothing but a closet. We made to turn back, but the clomp of heavy boots at the other end of the room stopped us. I froze against the door frame, and Aiden kneeled down and eased the door closed until we could just see a sliver of the room.

It was pitch black in the closet when I turned the flashlight off, and I tried not to think about what variety of spiders or other things might be waiting there to bite me. Then Aiden grabbed my thigh, and I almost screamed. I opened my mouth to ask what the hell he was doing, then stopped myself as the beam of a heavy-duty flashlight cut through the room we’d been in. As I was watching it prod into the corners and inspect the broken glass and the mirror, Aiden put his face between my legs and his tongue on my clit.

I clapped a hand over my mouth and grabbed his hair with the other, trying to pull him away from me, but he wrapped his hands around my ass and pulled me with him.

“You – I – stop that –” I panted, trying to keep the words as quiet as possible. He continued licking like I hadn’t said anything. “You are. Going. To make me. Come.”

I took a deep breath and tried to ignore it, but his tongue was insistent, rubbing gently back and forth and building a fire I couldn’t put out. “Please –” I whispered, the word stop disappearing as I stopped breathing so I wouldn’t make any noise. The orgasm ripped through me and I convulsed, still holding my breath, both hands now over my mouth. Aiden held me upright with some help from the door jamb until I stopped moving, then stood up.

He licked his way up the side of my neck, bit my earlobe, and whispered, “Bend over.”

There was just enough room for me to turn around and do as he said. The footsteps outside were fading as my hands touched the floor, and my mind relaxed a little bit as he entered me from behind.

“Who’s my dirty little slut?” he whispered through the darkness, grabbing my hips tightly and pulling me onto him.

“Me. I’m your dirty slut, sir,” I whispered back. I heard his breath catch, felt his cock pulse and his hands grab my hips tighter as he came.

* * *

Sorting out pants and backpacks by the beam of the remaining flashlight, I stopped when I saw the ass of my jeans was covered in black marks.

“The hell?” I wondered out loud, holding them up so Aiden could see what I was puzzling over.

He grinned. “There are many uses for a good fire prop.”

Forty Minutes and a Couch

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Half an Hour and a Sofa

Yesterday turned out not at all like I expected it to, or like anyone expected it to...but not badly. I had a lunch date with Aiden again, this time at a cute little Vietnamese restaurant on the top side of the street. There was as much cuddling and cuteness as there was eating.

"I can see you being a very easy woman to fall for," he said. I smiled, thinking that I would say the same about him. I can never seem to actually open my mouth and say these things, though. I'm so shy sometimes.

He went back to work for a few hours, then called me when he was done for the day. I told him to meet me in the next town over from my house, in the same parking lot where we pulled over at two o'clock in the morning a couple of weeks ago and had our first real taste of each other. I beat him there by quite a few minutes, since my drive is less than three minutes in length, and talked to my mom on the phone while I waited for him. I agreed to go up and visit her that evening, then hung up. Aiden arrived a couple of minutes later.

I'd already informed him on the phone that I was going to take him back to my house, so he followed me there. I didn't have any particularly dark intentions, honestly...since we didn't have much time, I figured we would sit on the couch and talk and make out. It was almost five o'clock, and Kevin leaves work at five-thirty, so there was no way we could steal extra time.

The road to hell, as they say...you know, good intentions and all.

Aiden threw me down on the couch and we started kissing passionately, our hands free to roam, knowing there wasn't a street full of people watching us. He pulled up my shirt, and I was reminded momentarily of the last time I had my nipples licked, the other night with Kevin, when I had pushed him off me in disgust. But before my mind could get any farther with its worries, I felt Aiden's tongue and I melted. I'm a fairly quiet sort in bed, at least during foreplay, but I found myself moaning involuntarily. I haven't been that aroused in a long time.

"May I lick your pussy?" he asked with a playful smile, and I said yes. He pulled my enormous bondage pants down to my knees, pushed my ankles over my head, and kneeled on the floor in front of me. Now, while I do enjoy oral in the right situation, it does almost nothing for me in terms of approaching an orgasm. My ex-girlfriend got me to come with just her tongue once, years ago, and it hasn't been done since. Actually, I pretty much refuse to receive oral these days, since I don't like Kevin's technique and don't know how to correct him.

All I can say about Aiden's style is this: he's got skill. Not just skill, but enthusiasm. I didn't reach climax, mostly because I was too nervous about being in my own house with him so late in the day, but I think that in the future there's a good possibility for it. He looked so content with his face between my legs that I didn't feel too awkward, and he seemed to know just what to do with his tongue - fast, light, not too pushy. I rolled my head back and enjoyed myself thoroughly for a few minutes.

As he leaned back for a moment to pull his long hair out of the way, I sat forward and pulled him into a kiss, savoring the taste of my own juices on his face and on his tongue. There are few things I find sexier than licking myself off of my partner's lips.

"I take it you like my work?" he asked.

"Very much." I pushed him onto the other side of the couch, undoing his jeans one-handed and sliding them down. I already knew his cock was larger than the average, but all I could think when I finally saw it was porn star. Feeling it through his pants didn't do it any kind of justice; he wasn't bragging in the least.

I got down on my knees, pushing my laptop computer awkwardly out of the way as I failed to notice it was underneath me, kneeled on it, and nearly cracked the screen. I laughed at my own clumsiness, then wet my tongue and ran it gently along the underside of his huge cock. I'm much more comfortable being on my knees for my partner than vice versa - submissive, remember? - and I happily got to work with my teasing. I had never sucked a cock even close to that size; I could barely fit him in my mouth, and when I did, the thought of breaking my jaw didn't seem so far out of reality.

"Better or worse than you expected?" he asked.

"Good," I said, and stuffed my mouth full again.

I didn't mind the pain in the least. Licking and teasing and sucking, I alternated between closing my eyes for better concentration and opening them to watch the beautiful expressions on his face. His head lolled back on the sofa, then came up again so he could watch me, his eyes half-closed in ecstasy. I could have watched him all day and night as he tried to keep contol, his hair set free and flowing down around his face and shoulders.

It was a good thing he had thought to set an alarm on his phone; it sounded while I was lost in my duty of pleasure, and I reluctantly got off the floor and put myself back together, while he did the same.

"You watch yourself," he whispered in my ear, pulling me into a hug, "I might just slide into you..."

I shook my head, grinning. "I have to leave you waiting for something, don't I? Otherwise I wouldn't be living up to my name of Tease."

He reluctantly agreed, and we prodded each other back into our jackets and boots and headed outside. I locked the door behind me and jumped in the car, not wanting to still be there when Kevin returned. Aiden followed me back to the main road, but turned the wrong way and kept following me when I headed north. I stopped, and he stopped behind me and came up to my window.

"You're a brat," he said with the sort of grin that threatens punishment to the naughty.

"I know," I said smugly. We made plans for him to pick me up at the bus stop in the morning, then went our separate ways. It was about three minutes later that I heard Kevin calling me on the radio. I responded, told him I was going to my mom's house for the evening, then signed off when the signal died and cranked the music.

For the first hour of the drive, I couldn't keep my hand away from my face. I hadn't had a chance to wash it before I ran out the door, and its smell was a wonderful combination of his sex and mine. I bit my lip, wishing there had been time for more, but also enjoying the frustration. I may be Tease, but I love to be teased even more.

Night of Wren

I had sex with Kevin last night for the first time in two weeks. As a note, I barely count the last time, because I was drunk out of my mind...but technically that was the last one. Anyway, I got into my work uniform and headed to the diner, but once there, was told that they didn't need me. Apparently no one found it necessary to call and inform me of such; at least the manager apologized, but I was a bit annoyed.

I ran into Aiden for the first time in four days, but Lily and his son were there, so nothing happened but "Hi how are you bye." On my way home, it occurred to me that that was the last place in the world I wanted to be going. I haven't been disappointed the last couple of weeks when I've been put on closing shift, because being at work lately is more fun than being at home. I feel like a bitch saying it, but it's the way I honestly feel.

Halfway home, I turned down the music and called my old friend Eben to see if he wanted a visitor, but he didn't answer. I turned up the music, drove almost all the way home, then turned it down again and called Wren. She answered and was thrilled with the idea of seeing me, since we hadn't seen each other in almost two months. I considered just going straight to her house, but she wasn't going to be home for another hour and a half, and I didn't really want to show up there in my greasy-smelling uniform, so I went home first.

When I got there, Kevin was on the phone with his mom, but he hung up as soon as I came in. He was thrilled that I had the night off, and totally bummed when I told him I was going to visit Wren.

"I just got you back and now I'm losing you again," he complained. I tried to give him a hug, but the response was lackluster. "When are you leaving?"

"In half an hour," I answered.

"Oh, damn."

"Why?"

"I was going to take you upstairs and get you naked."

"Can you finish your dinner and get me naked and dressed again in half an hour?"

"Well, it'll be a little more than that. Wren will have to wait."

I knew I'd be late, but at that point I'd committed myself. I've had less than no interest in having sex with him for three weeks or so now, but I can't just stop doing it altogether if I want to keep things together a little longer. Once again, I sound like a total bitch in my honesty here, but it's the blatant truth. As much as I'd like to end it right now, I can't; I have nowhere to go. If he kicks me out of the house, I'll be living out of my car, and I'm far enough north for the weather to be deadly in that case. Better a live bitch than a dead bitch...right?

I cleaned the kitchen while he ate his dinner, then went upstairs. I asked him to join me in the shower, but he said he'd rather "get dirty and then get clean," so I stripped down and followed him to the bed. I tried my very best to act just like I always do, and I think I did okay - but when you feel like you're watching your own self act from the outside, it's impossible to know if you're doing it perfectly. I act by feel, and I felt next to nothing.

We made out, fondled each other, licked and kissed and nibbled. I was focused on the moment but not turned on in the least. I faked it until he started licking my nipples, and then I pushed him away almost involuntarily. Even when I'm totally into the sex, there are times when I don't like having someone's mouth on my nipples; and when I'm not into it, it's the most horrible sensation in the world, literally making me want to throw up.

I covered the push by rolling him over and treating him to my best blow job, but only got a couple of minutes in before he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up onto him. He had a little trouble getting his cock into me, since I wasn't wet, but enough of my spit was left on the head to do the job. I performed like a whore until he came, then played enough kissy games to let him know I was in a good mood and not upset about not coming myself. Honestly, there wasn't a chance it was going to happen.

Finally I got off him and joined him in the shower. I wish I could have showered on my own, but it wasn't a good moment to push my privacy, so I smiled and washed fast. I threw on some jeans, cleaned the toothpaste stain out of my favorite black shirt, and dashed out the door to a repeated "I love you! See you later! I miss you!".

"Okay, okay, I get it," I muttered to myself as I rammed the door shut behind me and hopped in the car. I stopped for gas, then hit my favorite northbound route, cranked the music and floored it. Kevin kept bugging me as I was driving via my two-way radio; I responded enough to let him know where I was, since he was testing equipment, but didn't bother turning down my music or having an actual conversation. Ten minutes along, I stopped responding entirely.

I knew just how much I needed the time with Wren the second I stepped in the door. There was a girly scream of greeting from both of us, and in thirty seconds we were talking about everything and laughing hysterically. I told her how much Kevin was driving me crazy, and she pointed out what I already knew: the things that are bothering me have always been there, I was just determined to ignore them before.

"Remember when we were on that trip?" she asked me. "And you were out of cell range, and he starting freaking the fuck out?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "Made me nuts."

"Thank you!" she said.

"No, thank you," I said. "I needed that."

While I was there, Aiden called, having gone to the store to go grocery shopping.

"Five days without Blue shouldn't suck this much," he said with a laugh, and I agreed. I was about to say something else when I backed into Wren's printer and knocked down a framed portrait on its lid. Having not seen it there, I scared myself shitless, then couldn't even pick it up because I was laughing so hard. Wren and I started screaming at each other, I don't remember about what, in hysterical laughter.

"Fuck you!" I yelled.

"Fuck you harder!" she yelled back from less than ten feet away.

"Fuck you with a stick!" I screamed, almost doubled over.

"Who are you fucking with a stick?" asked a very puzzled Aiden.

"Wren!" I hollered more loudly than was necessary. "I'm at Wren's, she gave me beer!"

"Then stop drinking it, silly!" she yelled at me.

"Sounds like fun," said Aiden.

"Oh hell yeah. Can't wait for you two to meet each other."

"Absolutely!" he agreed. "Anyway, I'm home, I should probably go deal with being married." We hung up and I went back to my psychotic ramblings with Wren.

She agreed that Kevin's abnormally needy and clingy and doesn't know how to let me have time to myself. Eventually her new boyfriend came over so I could meet him, and the three of us spent the evening talking and laughing and playing video games. I scarfed down chicken patties, beer, and chocolate chip cookie dough, and felt infinitely better by the time I left (despite trying beer and cookie dough together, laughing while doing it, and almost squirting the whole mess out my nose).

I'd been forced to agree as I left the house earlier to text Kevin when I left Wren's, but I didn't, just cranked the music and enjoyed the hour-long drive completely to myself. When I reached the house, he was surprised to see me, but didn't bug me about not having contacted him.

"So are you going to break up?" Wren had asked me.

"Yeah, eventually," I said. "I don't see this getting fixed, he's driving me around the bend. I just can't do it now, I'll be out in the street."

I was so convinced we were going to last forever. If he'd proposed to me a month ago, I would have said yes. Now it's just a matter of time until I can pull myself free. I don't feel good about this, but breakups never do; I need out, one of these days.

TMI Tuesday

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

Sex with a guy! I was convinced for a while that I was a lesbian...exclusive, long-term relationship with a girl and all that. I loved making love to her, but when she penetrated me (whether with her fingers or a dildo) I always ended up crying. It seemed to the be the sensation that caused that reaction, so I was terrified that the first time I had sex with a guy it would wind up in tears, but it didn't. I LOVED it. Haven't let a woman penetrate me since ;)

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Sixty-nine. Blah. Boring. The view of blanket/balls just does nothing for me.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?

I pick a body part and start licking/sucking/nibbling. With siginificant other, it can be any - hands, neck, ears, mouth, whatever (though I don't suck toes). With someone new, either I'll nibble their neck or ear or I'll just let my hands cause their own trouble while we're making out.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

Pretty much any way he can, from kissing to nibbling to saying "Let's go upstairs and get naked." Sometimes I'm woken up in the middle of the night by his hard-on poking me in the lower back, too.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?

There was one guy that I almost had a fling with. We got as far as doing oral, but I didn't let him actually have intercourse with me. I kind of wished later that I'd lost my virginity to him, but I've never really decided once and for all if I honestly do wish that.

I'd link back to TMI Tuesday if I hadn't lost the link. Oops. Anyone care to help me out?

As a Bad Girl

I've never considered myself a "good girl," and neither would anyone else who's known me in any sort of depth. My father might have when he was alive, but honestly, for growing up in his house, he knew very little about the real me. It was partly that I wasn't terribly open - after all, coming out to your father at the age of 16 can be a bit daunting - and partly that he spent almost all of his time in an oblivious, alcohol-induced stupor. I was the apple of his eye, as they say, and that was fine with me. I had no need to tell him anything that might ruin his image of me.

But back to the point. Thought I'd never call myself a good girl, I would in many respects call myself a good person. It's funny that, while a girl is certainly a person, those two words imply such different things in the context. A good girl is someone who behaves politely; a good person is someone whose morals are on relatively straight.

I would call myself a good person because I never intentionally hurt others, and in fact, I rather like to help them. My friends have always come to me for a listening ear and advice on their problems, and I've always been more than happy to give those things. I may put up with a certain amount of shit from someone on my own behalf, but I will defend my friends against anything, to the death if need be. Once you can call me a friend, you can also call me a bodyguard.

While I was with the ex I mentioned in the previous post, another man waltzed smoothly into my life and proceeded to completely take over my mind. I was smitten beyond all sense, and when I finally woke up, I realized just how much of my sense had really been set aside in the intervening time. I don't wish to go into detail, but suffice it to say that I proved the adage that we see what we want to see in people. Despite all of that, though, I made a promise never to cheat on the ex, and I never did. There were moments when I had the opportunity, and certainly the urge was overwhelming, but I kept my hands to myself, though I can't say the same for my thoughts. Thinking, however, is not unfaithful, but simply a sign that one is in fact still alive.

Eventually the ex and I went our separate ways, after the relationship had crashed and burned and I had wasted inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to save what was already long dead. I had a quick fling with the waltzer, but by then he had been distracted by another girl, and in the long run that was a good thing for me. Kevin was the one who finally distracted me from him and woke me to the realization of just how bad he was for me. And for that, once again, I must thank him.

I have always been proud of the fact that I never touched the waltzer until I was relationally free to do so, and have loudly and proudly promised that I am faithful and not a cheater, that I am someone who can be trusted to the ends of the earth and back. The other thing I point out about myself to anyone who will listen is that I make few promises, because when I do make one, I bind myself to it. That's not to say I'm perfect; I've broken a couple of promises, but for the most part, I have strived with everything in me to keep them, and for the most part, it's worked.

Now excuse me for a moment while I break the topic; I promise (you can hold me to this one) to return to it momentarily. When I said that I work an hourly job, I didn't specify the type, but now is the moment to do so. I'm a diner waitress, one of the most common and most physically demanding jobs a twenty-something woman often finds herself in. It's not bad, honestly. Your feet go numb after a while, and not every customer in the world is a stiffer. Many of them are, but that's beside the point.

Returning to my topic, the point is this: one of my co-workers is another waltzer. He sauntered into my life at the diner, at a time when I'll admit that I was somewhat desperate for friends, and I was thrilled to make a new one. We hit it off immediately, practically best friends after only a few hours together. It did occur to me later that night that no one I've ever hit it off with that fast has not caused some kind of trouble for me. Like a firework and a match, it may seem calm at first, but then there's an explosion.

The fuse was lit, but I wasn't worried. Aiden was married, I had to assume happily, and I figured I'd have no problem and was just letting my past make me paranoid. It was one of our earliest shifts together, however, that he started complaining to me about his wife, and every time after that he had something worse to say about her. What was it I mentioned earlier about being everyone's shoulder? Maybe sometimes it is a bit of a burden, though the reasons vary in some cases.

Given the work schedule that week, we spent every day together for seven days in a row, and then two more after that. It didn't take very many of those days for me to notice that the firework at the end of the fuse was much larger than I had first thought, and the fuse was burning at an alarming rate. I couldn't put it out, and I couldn't back away...perhaps there is something else I could or should have done, but I was too stunned by the impending explosion to think of what it might be, no less execute it. I understand now what a deer goes through as it stops in the middle of the road and stares down an oncoming car with those huge eyes.

Anyway, it was last Thursday night that the bomb finally exploded. Aiden and I worked a closing shift together and were the last two people to leave, getting out at almost two o'clock in the morning. We headed out to the parking lot together, both tired and wanting to go home, but I put on a jacket and waited, shivering, while he had a cigarrette. I was desperate to be warm, but sometimes you'll run into that person or situation that you can't walk away from, no matter where else you may need to be for whatever reason, and that moment was then. The tension had been building all day, and I've finally learned to trust my instincts about when it's going to break.

Aiden dropped his cigarrette on the ground, stomped it out, then fished in his pocket and brought out a tin of mints. He popped one, then held it out to me, but I shook my head, and it was returned to his pocket.

"All right," he said finally, and held out his arms for our nightly hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, shivering and yawning but not wanting to be anywhere else. I really wasn't surprised when he started nibbling my ear, and I smiled and started licking his in return. He pulled away, brushing his cheek against mine and tilting his head slightly, and I returned his kiss without surprise or hesitation, because I really had known this was coming.

"I really shouldn't be doing this," he murmered in my ear, sounding guilty but not regretful. It was the sort of guilt that doesn't make you feel as bad as it should. I've been very familiar with it lately.

"Just like I shouldn't either," I answered, and kissed him again.

"I think I'm going to talk to you on my way home," he said as he got in his car. I had to laugh, because we had already done that every night.

"Okay."

I was so distracted I drove right into a huge pothole in the road that I knew very well was there and had been avoiding successfully for quite a while. I laughed at myself while hoping my rims were okay, then picked up my phone as it rang. We were ten minutes toward home when he told me, "Pull over in the parking lot of that store on the corner."

What can I say, I'm a submissive...I did so. I stood beside my car as he pulled into the space next to me, then got out and walked around the back with a determined expression. He pushed me up against my door so hard we nearly snapped the mirror off, and kissed me, not sweetly like before, but hard and passionately. There was no more admission of guilt, but a threat this time: "If you're not careful, you're going to end up bent over your hood."

"It's so cold," I protested, laughing, then experienced even more cold as he put his hands up my shirt. I squealed and laughed, leaning back against the car. It honestly was the cold that stopped me, despite what it may have sounded like. Had it been midsummer, I would happily have ended up flat on my hood and enjoyed every minute of it, but I hate being cold - it really can ruin anything for me.

"Look what you've done," he said, putting my hand between his legs. I smiled at what I could tell was an unusually large handful even through his work pants. "Bad girl." He bent me over and gave me a thorough spanking, and not only on the ass. I'd never been spanked anywhere but the ass, and I liked it more than I could find the words to admit at the moment. Finally we got in our cars and went home, for real this time, both very frustrated.